Alien in my skin (01/2025)

‘Irate neurons fire.’ 

‘A longing waits for patience.’ 

‘Steam pumped fumes sit still.’ 

You’d think a Haiku would be simple. . .

I stand to create so I can feel without needing to. 

I trip on sidewalks when I walk but I’m not clumsy anymore. 

When will I be able to look back in time without time being there? 

Sometimes I store deep thoughts in boxes to ship to myself later. 

Sometimes I can’t cry on the outside so those packages get soaked.

Sometimes I make up lies to tell my friends so I feel in control. 

Sometimes I see myself through the eyes of those I wished liked me back. 

When will I be able to look in a mirror without being scared of what’s on the other side? 

Sometimes I try to capture nature's beauty in words so elegant. 

Most times I fail and feel stupid. 

One time I smoked to escape and ended up stuck right where I was. 

One time I asked them 'out' and my heart rushed. 

'Out' never came, so my heart snapped me awake. 

I felt like me again and it felt like nothing. 

The only escape I could manifest is in nature. 

The soft air reminds me of who they were. 

Sometimes I sit outside when people walk by because I want them to see me. 

I await the sunset so I can feel the cycle replenish. 

Sometimes I watch the skies fade to darkness and I shamefully ask myself, 

Do they remember me? 

I never knew this is what it’s like to be human.