Parasocial (02/2025)

It’s 2025 and I’m watching an image of you looking happy. 

We used to disrupt class with our jokes. 

I was able to laugh at humor only we could get. 

You lost me when my record broke. 

You couldn’t hear my tune anymore so you pulled away. 

It’s been years. 

Keeping up the facade is so boring now. 

When I get to my room and no one is looking, I sigh and take off the mask. 

I lie in my bed and watch the ceiling fan as my head spins. 

Sometimes my life is depressing and I’m so sick of it. 

I watch what you do, I like what you show. 

Your life seems so vibrant and full of joy. 

I’m ashamed of my thoughts. 

Damnit, your life looks so normal next to mine. 

I’m writing a poem right now about missing someone I barely knew who I haven’t talked to in years. 

Am I crazy? 

But that’s the thing. 

To me it never mattered how much time had passed. 

I was cringe, and hell so were you, 

But we were kids then. 

I felt so abandoned, 

But that was my problem to bear. 

I called out your name and sometimes you turned to look. 

I was left in the lost-in-found and you never came to get me. 

When I look at my phone and I just want to throw it off a bridge. 

I want to sit next to a waterfall and watch the water wade with someone who gets it. 

There are too many pretenders in this world. 

Life is weird and I don’t know what to do with it anymore. 

Is living really this strange? 

Is life really this hard for me? 

Is it like that for anyone else? 

God, am I trying too hard?

I hope I haven't wasted my life drowning in shame. 

You know, you and I have grown up and I barely even noticed.